Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
