No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I supernannyed him into submission
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
