This is not my ceiling
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Randomize
