with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
