you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
