dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
