I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
