You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
