i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize