it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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