i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
