I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
