Your face is a jimmy john
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i think i have two assholes
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
