before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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