nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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