so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
