Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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