dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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