I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
