And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
