I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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