I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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