I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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