Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
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