so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
