I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
