my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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