I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm like, not good at living.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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