I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Someone stole a lamp last night.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
