I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
