Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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