Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
