Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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