Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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