he puts the penis in happiness.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
