Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
