It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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