He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
