Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
