i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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