you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
