I look better un-naked...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
