my room smells like sperm. sweet.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
