she was so not down for the gang bang
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
