You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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