You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
