hotel room ftw
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
