UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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