Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
