I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
