Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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