So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
