I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I AM VODKA MAN
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
