he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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