I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
