i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
