She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Even my vagina gasped.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
