i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
