Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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