so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
