You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
