one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
