I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
