Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
