someone get that fucking seahorse.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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