literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
