Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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