Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
