booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
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my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
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Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
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