when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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