When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
