I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
