Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
