I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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