Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
