This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
