It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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