i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
