woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
