I skipped work to stalk him.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
